BIRTH STORY & BECOMING PARENTS DURING COVID-19

 

Early stages of labor

It’s Monday the second of November 2020. I had just calmed my puppps rash. I was so exhausted from fighting blistering hives that I got from a pregnancy rash that lasted about a month. 

I would sleep in any position I could. I was sitting down, and suddenly I felt a lot of pressure and cramp like pain in my pelvic area. It was profound. 

The next few nights as I battled my puppps rash I felt Maci get lower and lower. At this point I know I’m going into labor soon it’s just a matter of time. I could actually feel her head. I went to L&D twice that week before I got admitted. The first time my whole underwear was soaked. Maci had already pooped inside me, I noticed it but was told the brown stuff was normal. It wasn’t. It was meconium. Meconium is a baby’s first poop. Each night the pain intensifies but I can’t do much after talking to a labor and delivery nurse over the phone. She reassured me that everything was okay based on my symptoms it was still early. 

The 1st  time we headed to the hospital my contractions weren’t that far apart. Enough to make me cry in pain. As soon as we got to the hospital my contractions became further apart. Then they stopped altogether. 

A lot of this was a blur due to sleep deprivation from my rash. We arrived at the hospital again on the 8th early in the morning around 7am. We were grabbing our stuff and I could hardly walk. Jan told me to go ahead to the car while he locked up and halfway through I had to stop to scream and contract. It was so cold it made the pain so intense. My contractions progressed. But still not enough. I was only 1CM dilated. This was when the triage nurse noticed Maci pooped inside me. My anxiety was through the roof because she was not calm about the meconium. In the middle of this I’m shaking my head from side to side trying to breathe through my contractions. I was whimpering in pain trying not to scream. My husband was next to me holding my hand. We decided it was best for me to labor at home with drugs. The nurse messed up my dose, got locked out of her drug access. At this point I’m bawling my eyes out to Jan. I couldn’t lay down anymore he helped prop me up. I was hugging him and squeezing his hand. I felt like I was going to break it from how hard I was squeezing him. 45 minutes later I got my drugs and the nurse hugged me and apologized. I didn’t care I just wanted to rest. Finally on the way home my best friend calls me and I’m high as a kite. I got home, laid down and I felt my contractions without the pain. It was a weird sensation. Even through my sleep I still felt them jerk my body. I think Maci was done waiting too at this point. 

Active labor 

A few hours later the pain started again. This time I could barely breathe I felt every contraction so deeply. I laid my body across our little couch and screamed into it while holding Jans hand. I labored at home until about 5pm I think. I honestly don’t remember. Finally at about 3cm dilation I get admitted by Eva who later ended up delivering Maci. We got situated in a room that they turned into a labor room for me. It was huge. 

Busy weekend to give birth in the middle of a pandemic. I was so scared because it was just us. No family. No friends. We had to go through it alone. My first nurse was so sweet, she offered me drugs and said it felt like drinking wine. I said I didn’t want wine, Jan laughed. I didn’t understand what she was saying I was so delusional. It hesitantly said yes with her reassurance. My nurse got switched out and my second one noticed I capped out on my drugs and she wanted me to be able to rest. They offered me the epidural. I declined. Before we had settled in, Jan had to help me pee and I was falling over. I couldn’t even sit down to pee. My contractions were insane. Poor Jan was my punching bag at this rate. Not literally. But he was helpless he couldn’t take the pain away. I could tell he was putting on a brave face for me. 

Finally at about 4-5cm I accepted the epidural. I was whimpering as the anesthesiologist numbed my back. I was so afraid of the needle I didn’t even look at it. Jan captured this moment but i truly, looked like a cavewoman. No haircut, no color, it was a whole mess. The rash had worn me down to my wit’s end. 

Each nurse that took care of me handed down my birth plan. I wanted to have Maci naturally. We switched positions. I rested on the peanut. They put me on Pitocin and had to stop it a few times because Maci was tachycardic. “Tachy”, the nurse said. I knew something was wrong but I wanted to keep myself

in good spirits and just pray. I remember praying to my grandma for a safe delivery. The nurses were so gentle about everything and kept me calm. They repositioned me a few times. Maci was so tachycardic that I had to lay in a position to get her ready to flip for birth. 

PUSHING 

Once she flipped, they restarted the Pitocin. At about 8:40pm it was time to push. And boy was I ready. The nurse convinced me to let Jan watch Maci crown and come out. He was so happy. But little did she know, it would only be minutes for me to be able to crown, and she called my delivery midwife to come help us deliver my baby girl. 20 minutes later, Maci Grace came out. I remember crying in my head, I let out a whimper, a few tears, and I heard my midwife Eva say “that’s the longest umbilical cord I’ve ever seen”. Unbeknownst to us, it was actually wrapped around macis neck. By God’s Grace I delivered a healthy baby. At 6 pounds and 10 &1/2 oz. when I saw her come out, and be handed to me, the view of her sweet full head of hair and long beautiful lashes— I couldn’t believe my baby was here and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know how to feel any emotions in that one instant. The world just stopped. We did it. Jan was sobbing and I didn’t even notice at the time I was just so in awe and ready to breastfeed. It was so hard, so exhausting, but we persisted. For me, being able to breastfeed meant being able to fulfill a standard. The standard, not the option. A dream, and I was so lucky to have been able to fight to be able to do it but that’s a different journey. My sweet girl changed my life forever. Motherhood is every emotion wrapped in chaos and a lot of love. My delivery nurse and midwife were amazing. The rest of our stay wasn’t so great. My night nurse was terrible. But I’m happy that our labor and delivery help was nothing short of the best.

Thank you to my friends that filled our fridge, checked in to make sure we had what we needed. Shoutout to cris, the roses you left me and the GC made me tear up. You’ve always been there for our family and we’re so lucky to have you.

Please don’t post people’s newborns or children without permission.Welcoming our baby into this world has taught us WE are the village. And who we allow into it has earned their spot through unconditional love and support. We learned the hard way that people want to say that they’re there for you

or post things to make it seem like they’re friends or family once you have a child but never —not once respect you or treat your identity as a parent. This is a huge transition in someone’s life and to expect them to reach out or getting upset when they can’t hang out is selfish. I only say this because people don’t really talk about this. If you know me personally, you know how outspoken I am. Your friends are parents first above anything else. We notice how people behave. We’ve had to make the toughest decisions of our lives in such a short time. It’s been rough to say the least, learning that people aren’t always good for you once you create a family. We have to see new parents as a union. We consult with one another before  we make plans, or decisions out of respect for one another. There came a point where my husband was so tired of people asking him to hang out he said he needed to stay home to help—because he knew they just didn’t get it or wanted to. No one has ever asked my husband how he’s doing as a dad, or what his needs are friend to friend and I think that’s wild. That, we forget about dads. The load they carry is heavy. Instead of bombarding them with calls to ask them to get a babysitter so they can hang out with you, offer a listening ear or help picking stuff up from the store. If you know my husband then you’re lucky. And you probably know how selfless he is. He’s always been the yin to my yang. He’s the calm to my storm. And he deserves the world. He was my support system while his disappeared. There are a few that we still keep up with and we think of you all the time. Thank you for being there for us. We always talk about how thankful we are for our friends and their parents that have been so supportive of our family from the start. 

With that said—so much has changed and at times it’s lonely but it’s meaningful. 

Check on your pandemic parents. They need real friends/family!