TODDLER TIDBITS AND SCHEDULE

                      Caretaker guide

Current Schedule

  The Toddler Stage

I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this stage. None of my coaching, nanny, or teacher experience could have prepared me. There are peaks and valleys and then there are amazing moments that make you forget how tired you are. Or the fact that you need a shower and a meal. Alone. Then again, they are only little humans once so might as well make the best of it! 

It’s normal for it to be chaotic most of the time but the one thing I cannot be late on, is meals, naps, and bedtime. Those are my big three. Especially now with 2 under 2. We definitely prioritize Maci’s schedule. We let her development kind of guide us in how we have dropped naps or moved her schedule around. Lately she has been lasting super long days and we as parents felt so defeated being that we had baby number two on the way. Finally I decided she needed an earlier wake time. My mom guilt did not want to wake her up before 7 but then I also felt that not having her on a nice routine was a disservice to her learning and growing brain/development. 

We wake her up around 6:30 AM now and her naps are from 11am-12:15pm but can vary to 12-1, with daily walks x2, lunches after her one and only nap, dinner by 5pm at the latest. She’s been moody everyday by 5pm but that’s because she’s teething badly. We also have a skincare routine with hygiene built into her wake and bedtime. She's down to one nap and we don't let it exceed an hour and 15 minutes. Despite her teething we try to follow her schedule and let her sleep with us if she insists on coming into bed with us. We let her set boundaries so she is comfortable enough to come to us every time she needs comfort. She sleeps much better on her own and typically does well that way since we now have a newborn that has a witching hour that varies late into the night.

 The first schedule I posted above is just a guide from when we were at the hospital with baby number two! We had prepared with an emergency care person but they flaked and these guides made me feel at ease with family coming over to help out and take turns with our daughter. The main thing I harped on, was again—her meal and sleep times. Those are always the most important. It’s already hard being a small human with emotions that are bigger than life. This helps us all maintain our sanity even through two baby girls crying at once; one teething, the other with a witching hour. 

Her diet is very well rounded she will eat whatever we eat, we just made the menu above a more easy go-with-the-flow type, since we weren’t sure how things were going to play out when we were gone for 3 days. We wanted to make it simple for her caretakers. I was skeptical of her waking up early and feeling out of wack with us not here but she actually did really well while we were gone. The second schedule is her current.

 Maci loves water, is still on toddler formula and gets most of her dairy intake from cheese and yogurt. I personally find cows milk gross and she does have some but my preference is that her dairy comes from other sources and has variation in it. She drinks her formula from a sip cup nipple, not a bottle. She was mainly breastfed for 13 months so she never really cared for baby bottles! We make sure her tongue is always clean to avoid tooth decay. 

Pediatricians ask that they don’t have bottles at night but you just have to be careful and on top of things. Not everyone is comfortable doing baby formula but our daughter walked early at 10 months so she started losing weight faster than most toddlers. Her formula helps with calorie deficits, growth spurts, and additional nutrients. There are pros and cons and eventually we will wean her off. With a well rounded diet, and a non picky eater we are comfortable with the cons that do come with toddler formula. My favorite thing about it is, there's many options including vegan ones and it helps with teething and sleep changes. I also like my toddler chonky! 

As long as you have a schedule, you are golden! It’s tough at times but totally doable. This is of course much easier said than done, since everyone’s situation is different. What I found helpful was at least having a successful bath + night time routine with our toddler when I was pregnant and couldn’t physically do as much when my husband was at work. As maci has gotten older I have her help me with her routine or household chores. She enjoys being my little helper and it makes her feel included. It has eased her transition from an only child to a big sister! Things like putting her dirty laundry in her hamper, hanging her bath towel, and throwing laundry in the wash all are simple yet easy tasks for her. Some people include their toddlers in meals, we let her stir the pot, throw ingredients, and put stuff away.

Things that help when babies and toddlers are teething, or get sleep disruptions are longer walks, park/play time, extra reading time, and soothing baths. Sometimes we just have to offer extra cuddles for naps and bedtime for comfort. Children are not wired to be trained to be alone. I have noticed Maci outgrew her toys so sometimes getting creative with what can stimulate their brain helps keep them occupied and happy. There's budget friendly toys at Ikea, Home Goods, and even Amazon. My approach is going for toys and activities ahead of Maci's age and teaching her ASL. She loves story time and she lets us know once she is bored with her activities so it is easy to know when to switch items out or rotate. These activities not only help with brain development but help tire them out as well.

The goal is to sync both my girls routines as Madison grows. The good thing is newborns sleep majority of the time and start off with three naps before they decrease down to one and that will be a buffer for us down the line!

Hope this was helpful.

TRANSPARENT

Let me just say this; This one is personal. 

I have come to this point. I guess, at a certain age you think you are done putting up with mediocracy. Am I right? Nope, wrong. Sometimes we continue to put up with people’s crap because we have been “friends” too long or family. Whatever it is, we still keep doing it because we care. I value full transparency. I don’t like hidden animosity, or to be blindsided when all along all I have to offer is pure intentions and love for my loved ones. For me, I have honestly had shitty taste in friends for a long time and that’s fine we all have our seasons. I never really noticed the difference because I was too busy living my own life.

Recently, I have noticed. My quality of life improved because my decisions improved. But I unfortunately cannot make those decisions for others. If you let yourself go. If you don’t pour some damn lemon water in your cup and take your vitamins—nobody else is going to do that shit for you. GET UP and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t like what you see in the mirror? Throw on your jogging set and get the fuck on that treadmill. Have standards. Have love for yourself before your unhappiness starts to affect the rest of your relationships. 

Some of us get knocked off our paths and get back up every time. That’s just in our nature. For those that were bred to get by and do the minimum, it’s just not gonna work for ya anymore. People will move forward as you hold yourself back. And honestly I say this because I don’t intend on slowing down for anybody.

Becoming a parent I quickly realized that having a village for my child is a luxury not a necessity. I have been blessed with people that check on my family and show love. But also on the same token even if they didn’t I wouldn’t hate on them for it. We all end up in our own separate lives and it is just truly what we make of it. To get up everyday and choose happiness, that is exactly what is for me. Unfortunately I have come across people that loathe themselves and chose to hurt others for their poor decisions. And I have empathy but not a sheer thought of pity. Nobody owes you anything. And so when I put in effort into my relationships I make sure I deposit all that good energy into myself and my family first. So that the person outsiders get, is never leaking of envy, lack of love, or any type of bad energy. 

Those insecurities people accumulate start to get heavy and they drop that weight onto people around them. But here is the thing, nobody cares. Get yourself together and love yourself so that others don’t have to suffer. Work hard, have some drive so that your voids don’t affect your colleagues. In this life as quickly as we can get things we can lose them. Jobs, cars, homes, food. We live in so much luxury we forget to practice gratitude. Sometimes people just aren’t who we think they are. I appreciate those who are bold with their truths. Other times, it is the closest ones to you not truly wanting you to do well in life.  

And I guess what I am trying to say is, if you feel it—say it. If you hate it, change it. Make those sacrifices and invest in yourself as a person because life does not stop for miserable people. Living with humility and respect towards others is the minimum. Living with regret is a tax you cannot afford if your mind is too broke to cope with your issues. Every time we omit the truth we lie to ourselves. Every time we hold our tongue we shy away from learning people’s true colors. Friendships are not compatible with rivalry. If you don’t receive clean energy from someone 10 times out of 10 you’re probably right. Get a new friend, get a new roommate, get a new spouse. Just get something! Or nothing and release what is not meant for you. Living in denial steals time. Also worrying about who does what or who said what, is a mega time sucking machine. Let go of that madness.

Stop worrying about the next person and what the fuck they post or who they fuck. Learn to focus on your own shit. Because envy is ugly. And karma spares no one. 

Be HAPPY for others. Work for yourself, always. Pick up a book, learn to crochet, learn a new language. And earn your own bloom by putting in the work everyday. No that does not mean don’t take breaks. Or work yourself into the ground. Making time for your hobbies and watering your inner child is still important. But to be teachable, and willing to teach others is not always a given. Most people aren’t always good or want what’s best for you. Sometimes they just want you around because of your energy. That is when I realized that what I have to offer, and what I bring has cold hard value. And I will rip that access away at anytime. In a way, this was for me. I needed to hear this. 

For me, my daughter and husband will always be my priority. But in honoring them—I must honor myself. I must reach certain milestones. I want to be a scholar, I want to be a 6 figure provider, I want to look good and feel good. And that is exactly what I am going to do.

Not sure if this will resonate with anyone but lately I just feel done with the old and I am all in with the new. Grateful everyday for the new bonds and growth.

BIRTH STORY & BECOMING PARENTS DURING COVID-19

 

Early stages of labor

It’s Monday the second of November 2020. I had just calmed my puppps rash. I was so exhausted from fighting blistering hives that I got from a pregnancy rash that lasted about a month. 

I would sleep in any position I could. I was sitting down, and suddenly I felt a lot of pressure and cramp like pain in my pelvic area. It was profound. 

The next few nights as I battled my puppps rash I felt Maci get lower and lower. At this point I know I’m going into labor soon it’s just a matter of time. I could actually feel her head. I went to L&D twice that week before I got admitted. The first time my whole underwear was soaked. Maci had already pooped inside me, I noticed it but was told the brown stuff was normal. It wasn’t. It was meconium. Meconium is a baby’s first poop. Each night the pain intensifies but I can’t do much after talking to a labor and delivery nurse over the phone. She reassured me that everything was okay based on my symptoms it was still early. 

The 1st  time we headed to the hospital my contractions weren’t that far apart. Enough to make me cry in pain. As soon as we got to the hospital my contractions became further apart. Then they stopped altogether. 

A lot of this was a blur due to sleep deprivation from my rash. We arrived at the hospital again on the 8th early in the morning around 7am. We were grabbing our stuff and I could hardly walk. Jan told me to go ahead to the car while he locked up and halfway through I had to stop to scream and contract. It was so cold it made the pain so intense. My contractions progressed. But still not enough. I was only 1CM dilated. This was when the triage nurse noticed Maci pooped inside me. My anxiety was through the roof because she was not calm about the meconium. In the middle of this I’m shaking my head from side to side trying to breathe through my contractions. I was whimpering in pain trying not to scream. My husband was next to me holding my hand. We decided it was best for me to labor at home with drugs. The nurse messed up my dose, got locked out of her drug access. At this point I’m bawling my eyes out to Jan. I couldn’t lay down anymore he helped prop me up. I was hugging him and squeezing his hand. I felt like I was going to break it from how hard I was squeezing him. 45 minutes later I got my drugs and the nurse hugged me and apologized. I didn’t care I just wanted to rest. Finally on the way home my best friend calls me and I’m high as a kite. I got home, laid down and I felt my contractions without the pain. It was a weird sensation. Even through my sleep I still felt them jerk my body. I think Maci was done waiting too at this point. 

Active labor 

A few hours later the pain started again. This time I could barely breathe I felt every contraction so deeply. I laid my body across our little couch and screamed into it while holding Jans hand. I labored at home until about 5pm I think. I honestly don’t remember. Finally at about 3cm dilation I get admitted by Eva who later ended up delivering Maci. We got situated in a room that they turned into a labor room for me. It was huge. 

Busy weekend to give birth in the middle of a pandemic. I was so scared because it was just us. No family. No friends. We had to go through it alone. My first nurse was so sweet, she offered me drugs and said it felt like drinking wine. I said I didn’t want wine, Jan laughed. I didn’t understand what she was saying I was so delusional. It hesitantly said yes with her reassurance. My nurse got switched out and my second one noticed I capped out on my drugs and she wanted me to be able to rest. They offered me the epidural. I declined. Before we had settled in, Jan had to help me pee and I was falling over. I couldn’t even sit down to pee. My contractions were insane. Poor Jan was my punching bag at this rate. Not literally. But he was helpless he couldn’t take the pain away. I could tell he was putting on a brave face for me. 

Finally at about 4-5cm I accepted the epidural. I was whimpering as the anesthesiologist numbed my back. I was so afraid of the needle I didn’t even look at it. Jan captured this moment but i truly, looked like a cavewoman. No haircut, no color, it was a whole mess. The rash had worn me down to my wit’s end. 

Each nurse that took care of me handed down my birth plan. I wanted to have Maci naturally. We switched positions. I rested on the peanut. They put me on Pitocin and had to stop it a few times because Maci was tachycardic. “Tachy”, the nurse said. I knew something was wrong but I wanted to keep myself

in good spirits and just pray. I remember praying to my grandma for a safe delivery. The nurses were so gentle about everything and kept me calm. They repositioned me a few times. Maci was so tachycardic that I had to lay in a position to get her ready to flip for birth. 

PUSHING 

Once she flipped, they restarted the Pitocin. At about 8:40pm it was time to push. And boy was I ready. The nurse convinced me to let Jan watch Maci crown and come out. He was so happy. But little did she know, it would only be minutes for me to be able to crown, and she called my delivery midwife to come help us deliver my baby girl. 20 minutes later, Maci Grace came out. I remember crying in my head, I let out a whimper, a few tears, and I heard my midwife Eva say “that’s the longest umbilical cord I’ve ever seen”. Unbeknownst to us, it was actually wrapped around macis neck. By God’s Grace I delivered a healthy baby. At 6 pounds and 10 &1/2 oz. when I saw her come out, and be handed to me, the view of her sweet full head of hair and long beautiful lashes— I couldn’t believe my baby was here and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know how to feel any emotions in that one instant. The world just stopped. We did it. Jan was sobbing and I didn’t even notice at the time I was just so in awe and ready to breastfeed. It was so hard, so exhausting, but we persisted. For me, being able to breastfeed meant being able to fulfill a standard. The standard, not the option. A dream, and I was so lucky to have been able to fight to be able to do it but that’s a different journey. My sweet girl changed my life forever. Motherhood is every emotion wrapped in chaos and a lot of love. My delivery nurse and midwife were amazing. The rest of our stay wasn’t so great. My night nurse was terrible. But I’m happy that our labor and delivery help was nothing short of the best.

Thank you to my friends that filled our fridge, checked in to make sure we had what we needed. Shoutout to cris, the roses you left me and the GC made me tear up. You’ve always been there for our family and we’re so lucky to have you.

Please don’t post people’s newborns or children without permission.Welcoming our baby into this world has taught us WE are the village. And who we allow into it has earned their spot through unconditional love and support. We learned the hard way that people want to say that they’re there for you

or post things to make it seem like they’re friends or family once you have a child but never —not once respect you or treat your identity as a parent. This is a huge transition in someone’s life and to expect them to reach out or getting upset when they can’t hang out is selfish. I only say this because people don’t really talk about this. If you know me personally, you know how outspoken I am. Your friends are parents first above anything else. We notice how people behave. We’ve had to make the toughest decisions of our lives in such a short time. It’s been rough to say the least, learning that people aren’t always good for you once you create a family. We have to see new parents as a union. We consult with one another before  we make plans, or decisions out of respect for one another. There came a point where my husband was so tired of people asking him to hang out he said he needed to stay home to help—because he knew they just didn’t get it or wanted to. No one has ever asked my husband how he’s doing as a dad, or what his needs are friend to friend and I think that’s wild. That, we forget about dads. The load they carry is heavy. Instead of bombarding them with calls to ask them to get a babysitter so they can hang out with you, offer a listening ear or help picking stuff up from the store. If you know my husband then you’re lucky. And you probably know how selfless he is. He’s always been the yin to my yang. He’s the calm to my storm. And he deserves the world. He was my support system while his disappeared. There are a few that we still keep up with and we think of you all the time. Thank you for being there for us. We always talk about how thankful we are for our friends and their parents that have been so supportive of our family from the start. 

With that said—so much has changed and at times it’s lonely but it’s meaningful. 

Check on your pandemic parents. They need real friends/family! 

BABY’S TOP 10 (POST 6 MONTHS)

While I have so many baby products I like, these are the ones I love to use mostly on a daily basis. Pipette is by far my favorite. Although we do use aquaphor for any mild rashes or scratches our favorite moisturizing brand is Pipette all the way! 

While the Fridababy nasal aspirator works wonders it doesn’t get everything and that’s when the 3 in 1 picker works it’s magic! Those stubborn boogers that clog our baby’s little nostrils get picked with the picker even though she hates it.

The Haakaa took me forever to want to use it and get used to it but it’s amazing and so much easier on your boobs than an electric pump. It’s more my go to now that my milk production has been established. I always carry it with me and have to angle it just right to get the most out of my milk expression. 

Earth Mama booby tubes are heavenly. Post 6 months breastfeeding I still use them. I had a really bad scare as I had my ducts clog up with no pain. The booby tubes unclogged all of my ducts in one breast (my lagger boob) it’s important to always use a warm compress before breastfeeding. It seems trivial but seriously it’ll save you the scare/heart attack from going to the doctors office thinking you have a lump. 

Fridababy nail scissors are amazing and so easy to use!

Kirkland onesies are the softest onesies you will ever need! SERIOUSLY go get them for long naps or night stretches. Babies sweat so much during their sleep and these are the one thing I wish I knew about MUCH sooner. They are a must! A lot of baby clothes gets rough over time and even with the right detergent/softener. 

Indi Kishu bandana bibs were the only bibs that didn’t further agitate Maci’s face and are so worth the money. 

Copper pearl beanies will forever be my favorite I’m never getting rid of them they might end up on a baby quilt one day because Maci wore them so much in her first few months that I can never let go of them. They’re so comfy and cute. 

Teething rings always serve as a great distraction for maci when we’re headed out for errands and a great teething toy for her. The one toy she’s never lost interest in. 

I have more items I like using but these are the ultimate recommendations I can make for any new moms or moms to be. 

Please let me know how you like them or if they work for you too!