TRANSPARENT

Let me just say this; This one is personal. 

I have come to this point. I guess, at a certain age you think you are done putting up with mediocracy. Am I right? Nope, wrong. Sometimes we continue to put up with people’s crap because we have been “friends” too long or family. Whatever it is, we still keep doing it because we care. I value full transparency. I don’t like hidden animosity, or to be blindsided when all along all I have to offer is pure intentions and love for my loved ones. For me, I have honestly had shitty taste in friends for a long time and that’s fine we all have our seasons. I never really noticed the difference because I was too busy living my own life.

Recently, I have noticed. My quality of life improved because my decisions improved. But I unfortunately cannot make those decisions for others. If you let yourself go. If you don’t pour some damn lemon water in your cup and take your vitamins—nobody else is going to do that shit for you. GET UP and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t like what you see in the mirror? Throw on your jogging set and get the fuck on that treadmill. Have standards. Have love for yourself before your unhappiness starts to affect the rest of your relationships. 

Some of us get knocked off our paths and get back up every time. That’s just in our nature. For those that were bred to get by and do the minimum, it’s just not gonna work for ya anymore. People will move forward as you hold yourself back. And honestly I say this because I don’t intend on slowing down for anybody.

Becoming a parent I quickly realized that having a village for my child is a luxury not a necessity. I have been blessed with people that check on my family and show love. But also on the same token even if they didn’t I wouldn’t hate on them for it. We all end up in our own separate lives and it is just truly what we make of it. To get up everyday and choose happiness, that is exactly what is for me. Unfortunately I have come across people that loathe themselves and chose to hurt others for their poor decisions. And I have empathy but not a sheer thought of pity. Nobody owes you anything. And so when I put in effort into my relationships I make sure I deposit all that good energy into myself and my family first. So that the person outsiders get, is never leaking of envy, lack of love, or any type of bad energy. 

Those insecurities people accumulate start to get heavy and they drop that weight onto people around them. But here is the thing, nobody cares. Get yourself together and love yourself so that others don’t have to suffer. Work hard, have some drive so that your voids don’t affect your colleagues. In this life as quickly as we can get things we can lose them. Jobs, cars, homes, food. We live in so much luxury we forget to practice gratitude. Sometimes people just aren’t who we think they are. I appreciate those who are bold with their truths. Other times, it is the closest ones to you not truly wanting you to do well in life.  

And I guess what I am trying to say is, if you feel it—say it. If you hate it, change it. Make those sacrifices and invest in yourself as a person because life does not stop for miserable people. Living with humility and respect towards others is the minimum. Living with regret is a tax you cannot afford if your mind is too broke to cope with your issues. Every time we omit the truth we lie to ourselves. Every time we hold our tongue we shy away from learning people’s true colors. Friendships are not compatible with rivalry. If you don’t receive clean energy from someone 10 times out of 10 you’re probably right. Get a new friend, get a new roommate, get a new spouse. Just get something! Or nothing and release what is not meant for you. Living in denial steals time. Also worrying about who does what or who said what, is a mega time sucking machine. Let go of that madness.

Stop worrying about the next person and what the fuck they post or who they fuck. Learn to focus on your own shit. Because envy is ugly. And karma spares no one. 

Be HAPPY for others. Work for yourself, always. Pick up a book, learn to crochet, learn a new language. And earn your own bloom by putting in the work everyday. No that does not mean don’t take breaks. Or work yourself into the ground. Making time for your hobbies and watering your inner child is still important. But to be teachable, and willing to teach others is not always a given. Most people aren’t always good or want what’s best for you. Sometimes they just want you around because of your energy. That is when I realized that what I have to offer, and what I bring has cold hard value. And I will rip that access away at anytime. In a way, this was for me. I needed to hear this. 

For me, my daughter and husband will always be my priority. But in honoring them—I must honor myself. I must reach certain milestones. I want to be a scholar, I want to be a 6 figure provider, I want to look good and feel good. And that is exactly what I am going to do.

Not sure if this will resonate with anyone but lately I just feel done with the old and I am all in with the new. Grateful everyday for the new bonds and growth.